Inspiration Tips for Moms

Editor:  Lisa Hammond

Lisa Hammond, entrepreneur and author, is the founder of Femail Creations, the popular women’s gift catalog and website. Dream Big, Lisa’s bestselling memoir, was published in 2004. In 2006 Lisa founded Barefoot Parties, a home party business, one more piece of Lisa’s personal mission to inspire and empower women everywhere.

Lisa's tips . . .

Top 10 Tips on Inspiration

1.    Put Yourself First

Who were you before you put yourself last?  Who did you dream of becoming?  The most important thing we can ever do is become who we were meant to be.

What are you passionate about?  When was the last time you allowed yourself to feel truly passionate about your life?  So many of us have forgotten what we are passionate about. We are so willing to encourage children—to tell them they can do and be anything, yet we don’t give ourselves the same encouragement.

Pay attention to what you love.  What do you find yourself drawn to over and over again?  What do you daydream about?  Do you find yourself drawn to nature? Do you love to cook?  Is there an artist buried deep inside of you?  Pay attention to what you love.

Shakti Gawain said it best, “We always attract into our lives whatever we think about most, believe in most strongly, expect on the deepest level, and imagine most vividly.” 

If you were guaranteed success what would you do?   If your obstacles were removed and you simply could not fail, what would you do?  Ask yourself this life-defining question as many times as it takes to hear the answer.

If you know what your passion is but your fear has you stuck, it is time to take that first step. If you have lost touch with your passion it is time to find it again!  Consider this your permission slip to put yourself and your dreams first!


2.   Love Your Body

The other day I was searching for a photo for a new picture frame I'd just bought. I sorted through dozens of snapshots—the ones I keep telling myself I will some day put in adorable scrapbooks—but for now they sit in shoe boxes. As I poured over the pictures I had a few good laughs going down memory lane. The good times, the bad times, and the what-were-you-thinking outfits and haircuts.

Then I found the unthinkable—an old picture of me in a bikini! My husband had managed to snap a shot of me on the beach with my kids. I was instantly transported back to that day almost 15 years ago. I vividly remembered changing swimming suits three or four times that morning trying to find one that I could bring myself to wear. As I thought back about the morning, and how self-conscious I felt about wearing a swimsuit, I felt really stupid. Because you know what—I didn't look half bad back then. And yet I wasted precious energy and time stressing out over my not perfect body. What an idiot!

Fifteen years later I would love to have that body back. That very same body I anguished over back then! It was a real ah-ha moment for me. Fifteen years from now I will most likely wish I had the body back that I have today.  The reality is even the women we think have perfect bodies aren't content.

We are all spending way too much time on if-only. If only I didn't have these stretch marks. If only I wasn't sagging here or there. If only this celluite would go away. If only I didn't have these love handles. The moral of the story is... love the body you have RIGHT NOW
 

3.    Asking for help

Life has a way of sneaking in the lessons we need to learn in mysterious ways. I find in most cases I can look back over my challenging times and discover great opportunities for insights and growth.

When I broke my shoulder and the doctors warned me the recovery would be very slow due to the type of break it was.  I learned keeping my sense of humor was a must!  I needed help getting dressed, my hubby had to cut up my food like I was a little kid and I endured a month of bad hair days. It was truly a lesson in patience for me. I think everything happens for a reason. Perhaps the thing I needed to learn was not only patience, but also the issue we all struggle with—asking for help.

I learned to take a deep breath, be brave, and ask for support, both physically and emotionally when I got discouraged. Sometimes it was the emotional support that was the hardest to ask for.

For us thank-you-I-can-do-it-myself kind of gals asking for help is a really hard thing to do. Well, when you can't even zip up your own pants you tend to start asking!  It is always easier to be the one taking care of someone else than it is to be the one that needs to be taken care of. Can you relate?

For now asking for help is still really uncomfortable, but I am growing and expanding my support comfort zone. So can you, let’s practice together!


4.    Learning to Say No

I don’t know when it happened?  But somewhere along the way, we got the notion that taking care of everyone but ourselves was a noble cause.  I am sure even considering the possibility of putting yourself first has now made you feel uncomfortable and selfish.
 
We are all given a self-care reminder each and every time we board an airplane.   Before the plane even leaves the ground the flight attendants tell us, in the event of an emergency we should place our oxygen mask on first—then assist those sitting near us that may need help.  If those instructions were not followed the ones most able to help would be deprived of oxygen, leaving those most in need of help without assistance. 

We should follow those same instructions in our day-to-day lives.  We have all been conditioned, especially women, to meet everyone else’s needs first.  To give the metaphorical oxygen mask to others before we give it to ourselves.  

We are the only ones who can make sure we get enough sleep.  We are the only ones who can put ourselves on our list.  And sometimes that means making changes to our list.  Looking at what is draining our cup instead of filling it up. 

Learning to say no is probably one of life’s most difficult lessons.  I have chosen to think of each no as a yes to something else.  No to the party I didn’t want to attend, yes to the Pilates class that will make me stronger.  No to obligation without meaning, yes to enriching myself.  The more we practice this radical self-care the more we embrace the life we want to live.   

 
5.    Create a Roadmap to Your Dreams

For as long as I can remember I have gathered images, articles and little tid bits that resonated with me.  If I saw a picture in a magazine of something that really caught my eye, I would cut it out and paste it into a blank book or hang it up on a bulletin board where I could see it everyday.  This process became a living affirmation, a roadmap leading me toward my passions. 

Surrounding ourselves with what we are passionate about affirms our intentions and invites action.  Start keeping a journal, create a collage in a blank book, or devote an entire bulletin board to your hopes and dreams. As you start to gather articles and pictures you will see a trend emerge.  You will start to notice a theme.  You will see your passions unfold right before your eyes.

If you don’t yet know what your dream looks like, keeping a blank book handy at all times and just jot down anything and everything that inspires you. It all starts with giving yourself permission to even think about what kind of meaningful work and colorful play you might want to do.  Carve out space for your dreams to take root start to grow. 

6.    Happy Mom’s

One of the challenges for any woman running a business is balancing work and home. This can be especially hard for moms. Being a mother is a gift and a powerful calling. For some moms the calling is to stay home fulltime, for others it is to be a loving parent while working outside the home. For me, creating meaningful work for myself was precisely what enabled me to do the meaningful work of raising my children without going crazy.

No one can tell you what the right choice is. You have to trust your gut and find what works for you.  Each choice brings out the critics. When I stayed home fulltime, many women criticized me for spending my days in such a subservient way; when I worked fulltime many women criticized me for putting my career ahead of my children. Neither was the case, but it didn’t matter; the sides were drawn: you were either “just” a stay at home Mom or a “bad” working mom.  Personally I feel the best Mom is a happy Mom—whatever that means for you. 

The best thing a mother can give her child is a happy and fulfilled Mom. There are many paths to happiness and fulfillment, follow your heart and choose your own way. 

“Being asked to decide between your passion for work and your passion for children was like being asked by your doctor whether you preferred him to remove your brain
or your heart.” Mary Kay Blakely


7.    Learn to Run Away

You know what I have finally learned? That even the Energizer bunny can run out of gas and must charge her batteries at some point.

Learning to balance work and play has been a real challenge for me, especially since I started my labor of love Femail Creations a decade ago. So at long last I decided (well actually my body decided for me) that I had to find a way to take days off. Real days off.  Not the kind where you sort of take time off, but sneak frequent peaks at your Blackberry and spend half the day on your cell phone.  I figured out real quick that I wasn’t very good at that when there was still work to do—and there is always still work to do. I needed a Plan B.



It was my husband who came up with a Plan B and basically kidnapped me for a few fun days figuring it may be the only way to get me to take a break. Worked like a charm! It’s hard to work when there are no phones or laptops to be found. Hence, my “light bulb” moment… since I am not very good at taking days off when I am in town, I had better just learn to run away. It’s a strategy I have since shared with many balance challenged women and all have shared equally satisfactory results!  So plot your great escape and run away when necessary.  I’ve found that sleep and time off make us all much more pleasant to be around, and I highly recommend both! 




8.  It’s Never Too Late

Sometimes on the way to your dream you get lost and find a better one. It is okay to change our minds and it’s never too late to start. If you thought you always wanted to be a doctor only to discover after medical school that what you really wanted to do is open a bakery. Open the bakery. Life is too short not to follow your heart. If you have always wanted to get your masters degree in sociology but think at age sixty it is too late, start anyway. In four years you will be four years older, whether you got the degree or not. You might as well have the knowledge you’ve always wanted.

“The world is round, and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.” Ivy Baker Priest

My dreams continue to evolve and grow. Over a decade ago I couldn’t have imagined the ways Femail Creations would resonate with others.  Now my dream has expanded to include the national launch of an additional company Barefoot Parties. I am not sure what the next chapter of my life will hold for me or how my dreams might evolve. But I do know I look forward to it with the same spirit of adventure.

Many years ago a dear friend gave me a ceramic tile as a gift with this inscription, “It is never too late in fiction or in life to revise.”  Seeing that each day was one of the things that planted my first seed of passion and inspired me to take the leap of faith and follow my bliss. 


9.     You Are the Only One Who Can Schedule Time for Yourself!

I have a quote hanging up that says, “At worst a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived.” Rose Macaulay already had that figured out back in 1881.  She was way ahead of her time!  Follow Rose’s lead and start really living your life.

When was the last time you let the dishes pile up in the sink and went off to play hooky? 
If you can’t remember, carve out some playtime for yourself—right now. The work can wait, skip the meeting, let the laundry pile up, and take a break.

Women seem to have forgotten the being part of human being. We somehow bought into the human doing theory. We are always doing for others and forgetting to do for ourselves.

So if your last belly laugh, ice-cream cone, chick flick, or leisurely walk in the park is a distant memory it is way past time for you to have some fun.

It is easy to forget that we are multidimensional women, and we need to nurture all aspects of our lives. And that includes pleasure.

You are the only one who can schedule down time for yourself.  Make it a priority. 

 
10.   Manifest Your Dreams

What is the secret to being positive? Life is not one big long vacation, so how can we create that same kind of good vibe for ourselves everyday? How do we manifest our intentions?

I believe we each have within us the power to manifest anything we deeply desire. Whether that is a new home, a new relationship, an incredible vacation, peace, a full bank account, or meaningful work. What do you want to manifest? 



Many years ago I had my heart set on a specific piece of property. I just knew that was where I was supposed to build our home. So imagine my shock when I discovered the lot had already been sold (to friends of ours no less!) and they were ready to break ground. I am sure they thought I was flat nuts when I called them up to tell them they couldn’t build there, well because I was going to.

I believed with such conviction that I would someday live there that I went ahead and continued to save every penny I could, I drew up the plans for my dream house on a napkin and looked at it every single day.  Through a series of twists, turns and fateful phenomenon I did indeed end up with that very address. We now live in the home I built on that land. This is one of my most concrete—pardon the pun—examples of the power of believing and the ability to manifest miracles. 
Ask, believe and receive!  



11. Cherish your sisters and brothers

The bond sibling's share is one I have come to treasure more and more. As an adult, the thing I have learned is that the kids I grew up with did just that—they grew up. So now I am getting to know them all over again as the people they have become.

Who else, but those from the same gene pool, can help you laugh at all of the things that weren't so funny back then? Time offers great perspective. Who else will remind you that the hairdo your sister gave you while she was going to beauty school should not be repeated! 

Of course we all struggle to avoid lapsing back into whatever role we played growing up. (Can you relate?) Coming from a large family there were plenty of slots to fill, and it was as easy to label us as it was to call it a "phase" we were going through. At times the labels are hard to shake. Some of the labels we grew out of, others we grew into, and others never did fit. 



With parents long since married to other people, and the house we grew up in long since occupied by others, we have learned to find other ways to create a sense of tradition. It is becoming more and more clear that home is not comprised of four walls and an address; home is where the heart is. 

Time spent together doesn't require a home with history, or a set of parents celebrating their 40th anniversary to each other, it simply requires the desire to spend time together with the people who have known you the longest and love you anyway. 


12.   Be Open

It’s easy to be positive when you are on vacation or spending a relaxing day with friends.  But not so easy on those days when your boss is less than pleasant, your kids are fighting, your house is a mess and your mother-in-law is coming for her second visit—this month!  I find times like this call for more than a deep breath. 

Make a list of things to feel good about so you have something to fall back on when you are stressed. Grab that list and pick a happy topic to focus on to get you through the rough patches. Another way to keep yourself open to the good in your life is to keep a gratitude journal. End the day by writing down a few things you are thankful for. I think this is one of the best habits you can get in. 



I believe the trick to manifesting positive thoughts is to be OPEN to receiving them.  Here is where I usually run into a snag—it is hard to keep that valve open while rushing around, working too much, and feeling overwhelmed. Refuse to be closed off by worry, fear and stress. Instead stop, breathe, and believe. Easier said than done!  I know! 
But we can make the choice—and it is a choice—to be open to receive, to be open to manifest peace, prosperity and joy!


13.    Balance

With three businesses and two kids I’ve learned quite a few lessons about balance. Like most of us, in the beginning I thought I could do everything. I cut back on many of the things that I loved. Reading for pleasure, nights out with friends, vacations, they all fell by the wayside. I struggled to regain my equilibrium as my business grew at breakneck speed. For a long time, I was really just a two dimensional person. It was about work and family for me, and it stayed that way for a long time.

I always thought of balance as a state of peace and stillness. I now believe that balance is really more like being on a balance beam. You’re always making little movements here and there to stay centered. You’re never completely still.

I understand there will never be such a thing as perfect balance in my life.  Instead, I’m constantly re-adjusting my schedule and shifting my priorities. Maybe I’m not spending an equal amount of time on each part of my life, but I feel pretty comfortable that every area is getting a fair share. It’s my cheesecake system for balancing life!  Sometimes work is getting a bigger slice, sometimes my kids are getting a bigger slice, but eventually they all get their share.

 
14.    The Power of Procrastination

Funny as it sounds, I’m a big believer in the power of procrastination. I used to spend a lot of time agonizing over projects I was dreading. That in itself was a waste of time. Now, when I don’t feel like looking at spreadsheets or some other less appealing part of my business, I throw myself into something else as mundane as cleaning out a closet. Some of my most productive moments happen when I’m in procrastination mode. You would be amazed at how much you can get done when you are trying to avoid doing something else.

Next time you have a project that you are dreading move on to something else you have been putting off.  If you have been thinking about organizing the spice cupboard in your kitchen for months but never seem to have the time, move that to the top of your list when you are trying to procrastinate doing your quarterly taxes.  Then get your quarterly taxes done when you are procrastinating scheduling your annual pap smear.  See how effective this method is!  Eventually everything gets done because there is always something worse than the next thing!

Just when you think that spreadsheet is looking bad there is always a root canal waiting around the corner!  Ah, the power of procrastination! 


15.     Settle for More

Life asks a lot of us, but do we ask enough of life? I believe we get what we settle for.  So let's settle for more!

"I need someone that will listen to my heart...hug my pets...surprise me with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the beach...make me laugh so hard I cry...close their eyes when they kiss me in the dark...open up my world to adventure...bring me coffee in the morning...tickle my arm when I don't expect it...love me for me, and be able to stick it out through thick and thin." Those are the moving words of the fabulous artist Catrinka.  I think she is on to something!  She is laying her expectations out there!

All too often we settle for less.  Settle for a job we aren’t satisfied with.  A relationship we aren’t happy in.   And yet why?

When you look the word settle up in the dictionary the definitions you will find include: to cause somebody to become quiet, to stop floating and to sink to the bottom, to sink slowly, etc. 

Perhaps it’s time to change the paradigm and start thinking about settling in terms of settling for more.  Settling for nothing less than the hopes our hearts can hold.  Bravely outlining and then settling for the life of our dreams. You deserve it! 


16.    Intentions Into Action

It seems that we are being given reminders in both large global ways in small personal ways not to take life for granted. This year I hope we take that message to heart.  Find the time, speak your love often, mend a quarrel, say a prayer, keep a promise, welcome a stranger.

Let’s begin this year by putting our intentions into action. I am talking about a new way of approaching life. The way we spend our time is ultimately the way we spend our lives. Devote your time and energy this year to what really matters.

What do you always think about doing, but don’t actually do? What does your heart desire? Have you always wanted to run a marathon, take a trip to the land of your ancestors, take a photography class, learn to speak another language, plant a garden, write your history, or volunteer at a local charity? Let this be the year you actually do it! The reality is we make time for whatever is really important to us. If it is truly a priority we find, we carve out, we create the time.  Start living the life you were meant to live.


17.     Slow Down and Listen

Sometimes what we really need is to do less, not more.

We are all so busy rushing from one thing to the next that it is easy to get distracted from our own intuition. Think of all the guidance we are missing out on. Sometimes it is as simple as that small voice inside of us telling us to drive to work another way, or reminding us to touch base with a friend in need, or telling us to take an umbrella even though the sun may be shinning. Other times the message may be more serious.

My sister Cynthia just went through the heartbreak of losing her dog, Hunter. She was walking him one night as she always did, when she had the feeling she should turn back, but it was such a nice night she decided to go for just one more block. As they headed around the corner Hunter crossed the street just as a car turned onto the road. Before anyone could react the car struck Hunter. Cynthia was devastated by the loss and her grief was only compounded by the regret of not listening when the spirit told her to turn back sooner.

I recently saw an Oprah show (love my Tivo) with a woman who was brave enough to come on and share her own story of regret at not having listened to her intuition which she felt resulted in a car accident that left another woman on a bicycle dead. I was amazed at her courage and strength to share such a personal and painful part of her life with us in hopes that it might help others.

We can all relate to times we had a feeling or had an instinct we didn’t listen to and later lived to regret that decision.  We are all so busy rushing from one project to the next that we rarely make time to rest and be still. 

Let's slow down and carve out some quiet time so we can really LISTEN.

 
18.    Do Good Anyway

I recently went through a frustrating experience that turned out to be a great lesson learned. We were just trying to do what we do here at Femail Creations—support women in business and inspire our customers. Yet, despite the great work of our staff and our best efforts there was just no reasoning with this particular business associate or getting her to honor a contract we had with her company. After days of aggravation I told the staff we had to move on. We had held up our end of the agreement and could at least part ways knowing we did the right thing.

I left the experience with a deeper understanding that sometimes lessons come along in mysterious ways and an even deeper commitment to continue running my business with my head AND my heart. So often choosing to do the right thing doesn't lead to recognition or glory. I am sure many of you all can relate! Sometimes the reward is being able to look ourselves in the mirror and feel good about giving our best.

Mother Teresa summed this up perfectly with her sage advice. "People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway." Mother Teresa.

Words to live by!

 
19.    Live Out Loud

It seems wherever we turn lately there are reminders to start following our dreams and really living life. From Oprah's Wildest Dream's Bus, to the Today Show's new Live For Today segments.

So why aren't we making our dreams and passions a priority? What are we waiting for? What are we afraid of?

Several years ago I was talking with a woman I considered invincible. She was an athlete, a woman who ran extreme marathons, went backpacking alone, and climbed mountains most of us only view from the ground. I was telling her how much I envied her courage and her lack of fear. She looked at me and smiled, and then told me something I have never forgotten; she was afraid too. It was an amazing revelation to me that the women we admire for daring such courageous feats are really no different than us. The difference isn't that they aren't afraid and we are, the difference is that they do it anyway.
 
Moving through fear can be as simple as finally signing up for that painting class, or as scary as starting a new business. Whether the risk is big or small, the rewards of overcoming our fears are huge.

I began my journey with this quote on my desk and it still resides there today;  “When I dare to be powerful—to use my strength in the service of my vision—then I becomes less and less important whether or not I am afraid.”  Audre Lorde

I have discovered the more I face my fears and step outside of my comfort zone, the bigger my comfort zone gets.   Dream big and start expanding your comfort zone today! 


20.     Make Room for Abundance

I am a firm believer that by clearing out our excess we make room for more abundance. As we let go of the old, we open the door to receive the new. Try giving away things with an abundant attitude and watch what happens!

Whenever I clean out my closet I do so with a happy heart, because I know each and every piece of clothing and pair of shoes is going to be put to good use. I have a hand-me-down chain for clothing in my family that has been going on for years. It starts when I sort out my closet and send the boxes off to my sister. She then cleans out her closet to make room for my hand-me-downs and sends boxes from her closet to my Aunt Linda and all of her daughters. When they have outgrown them the clothes head off to all of my nieces. Knowing this, I never cringe when deciding whether or not to give up that perfectly new sweater I never wear. I always do so knowing it will be well loved by a long line of sisters, aunts and cousins.

If you don’t have a sister or niece to hand your clothes down to find a women’s shelter or donate the clothing to The Bottomless Closet or an organization like that in your area.  Knowing the clothing will be put to good use and make a real difference makes it that much easier to keep adding to the pile as you clean out the next drawer. 

Mother Nature knew what she was doing when she started the tradition of Spring-Cleaning! I challenge each of you to free yourself of old baggage, literally and figuratively, that may be hanging around in your closets. I promise you’ll find it liberating! Be sure to make plenty of room for all of the abundance heading your way!